This is a wonderful point, and I totally agree with you... ironically enough, this is the point I was arguing with my lover...he needs to be needed, and sometimes won't let others do the things that they need to.... it is a two way street..... and in the end I had to leave him as well in order to do it for myself.  I'm going to post this as a response to my own post, as that is a key point that I was missing.... thank you.

 
Will wrote:
> I think that to achieve true autonomy, not only
> do you have to rely on no one, but you can't
> allow anyone to rely on you. I'm sure you know
> this well already, but people with dependencies
> rarely get over them until their enablers put
> their collective feet down.
>
> You seem to have escaped your situation, but I'd
> advise anyone going through that to set
> boundaries early on in their relationships with
> others. Telling people "Go ahead, you don't
> need me to do that." empowers them. Even
> when you are needed, you have sovereignity over
> whose agendas you pursue, when you pursue them,
> and how much you want to help. Anyone who
> doesn't respect that isn't someone you need to
> be helping. Let them know this, politely of
> course, and I'm sure they'll change their tone
> in a hurry.
>
> I hope you have good luck with whatever you
> choose to do next. I'm not a mutant, whatever
> that is - I found your post from the front page
> - just an autonomous person who wanted to share.